Since we were very young many of us  have been taught that we "should" take care of others before taking care of ourselves. And we have been taught to believe that it is a positive feature to be able to put others first.  We're proud of forgetting our own needs and making sure others are doing fine.

Putting yourself first
I truly believe in my heart, that you can never make the people around you happy, when you are not happy yourself.  How on earth can you take care of others when you don't take care of yourself?

When a store only gives things away, it will be empty very quickly.  By asking for money in return, a store can refill itself and be able to continuously provide us with the items we need.  A bank account will not be able to support us very long when we only take money out of it.

Stuff is energy. Money is energy. Love is energy.

By only giving, we run empty very quickly.  We need to refill ourselves in order to be able read more here

I'm wondering.....What comes to mind when you think about being kind to yourself?  Bubble baths, green smoothies, massages, yoga classes?  If so, I do agree that those are wonderful ways to nurture yourself and what I would like to talk about here is establishing a foundation of kindness within your own consciousness.  To have you feel like you are moving through your days with peace and grace, in order to allow yourself to build a solid foundation that becomes your new normal.  And on the days when nothing seems to be going right, rather than to blame yourself or others you'll relax, breathe, and let it be what it is.  Does that sound good?

Loving yourself unconditionally for who and what you are right now, is an essential component to living a life of radical kindness.  Self-love can be a super, scary topic for many of us and one that can feel vast and overwhelming.  I can hear some of you saying, "How can I love myself?"  "Where do I start?  I can't even stick to an exercise program or keep up with the laundry!!"
Self-love starts with self-acceptance. Like so many of us, as we grew up, we.....read more here

Have you ever noticed how much words can have an impact on your outlook on life, your results

AND the people around you?  I certainly have lately and it was pointed out to me by a dear friend who just happens to be a fabulous coach!  She shared with me, that I have been saying the same "words" about my ex-husband for many years, and asked when I was going to be ready to drop them and move forward.  I smiled, laughed out loud and said "NOW" and thanked her for being so honest with me!

A kind word can lift you up or save a bad day.  They can describe who we are/once were, who we are not, who we want to be.  They can evoke emotion and inspiration.
Words can also be Villains and weapon-like.  Words can hurt and break.  When used irresponsibility or without thinking, they can do unthinkable damage...to you and to those around you.

Your words truly impact others.  Words can help as much as they can hurt, .......read more here

Are you Avoiding?
*  A terribly uncomfortable situation -  "I'll deal with it later."
*  Starting to exercise  - "I can start tomorrow."
*  I'm not happy in my relationship or my career  - "Perhaps one day it will change".

Dealing with my feelings from the past - Let's take something, numb myself, busy myself or just skip over that, so I don't have to feel it.

Avoidance is something that many people (myself included) become familiar with.  Whether a feeling or a situation is too intense, too painful or brings one face-to-face with their fears, avoidance can become a coping mechanism that also can become a ticking time bomb.


Let's take a peek at addictive behaviors.  Most of the addictive behaviors, clients have shared with me (relationships, shopping, the scale, exercise, perfection, control, alcohol), have some level of avoidance buried deep within them - avoidance of childhood situations, avoidance of feeling the gravity of hurtful relationships, or .........click here to read more....

The New Year is just around the corner (Woot!  Woot!), along with the tradition of making resolutions, which are typically promises to do something "more, better or different".  We promise ourselves to exercise more, get a better job, meditate, loose weight, fall in love, or find a different way to handle our stress. And, what I have found for myself in the past and what I hear from friends and clients is we all start out with super-duper intentions, and by early March (or even by the second week in January) we find ourselves not following through with those well-intended resolutions.  We revert back to old patterns and sometimes beat ourselves up for not sticking to the resolutions.  Are you wondering if there is a better way to ring in 2017 that would possibly serve us better?

Well,  I believe there is!  And I would like to share a New Year ritual with you, which read more.....

TRUST .. it's such a big word ..

After looking up the word "trust" in many dictionaries, I found many heavy weight words associated with it......reliance, integrity, virtue, faith, help, confidence, support, comfort, consolation, reliability, trustworthiness, fidelity, faithfulness....  Wow....it's no wonder when trust is violated in any relationship, the sacred web, which contains all of these other words within its delicate strands, gets a pretty darn good shake, sometimes tearing a hole so ragged that it is beyond repair for the wounding it delivers.
 
In his decades of working with couples, John Gottman, author and well respected marriage therapist (and who I had the honor of studying with), says that just about all conflicts are about trust. "And you can think of there being a fan that opens up .. where every region of the fan is an area of trust. That would describe all of our conflict discussions." 
In his book "The Science of Trust" Gottman identifies the following trust related...read more

Periodically I catch myself judging people.  Even when I'm very aware and even when I know I don't want to do so, I still catch myself judging people. I have noticed that I seem to judge when I don't feel well (emotionally or physically). I feel I need to be negative about something, just to make myself feel good.  And...it never, never works!  Honestly, it makes me feel worse and makes my mind act like a whirlwind, spending a lot of time and energy being wound up about other people's lives.

So...wondering why we judge?
When we judge others, we try to place them below ourselves.  We seek arguments why we are better than others.  Why the heck would we try to do that??  Most likely because we are feeling insecure. We don't like ourselves well enough at that moment and we feel we must be negative about someone else in order to make ourselves feel better.  And, in reality how do you feel, this way of acting, is truly making us feel? 
  
What we do when we are judging others is making a ranking. Everyone we meet.....read more here

Family truly matters.  They are our foundation, from birth.  They are our support system.  They are our community.  In some shape or form, each member gives and sacrifices for one another. Whether it is a mother carrying and growing a child for 9 months, followed by eternal love and support, or a sister or brother helping a sibling learn to tie his shoes.  Our family is there to provide a helping hand, a conversation or a tough lesson learned.  Again.....family truly matters....

When our families grow up into functioning adults, family get-togethers and holidays can sometimes be difficult.  We are fully independent, have our own lives and yet sometimes everyone falls back into their childhood roles.  One plays the dominator, another one is the people pleaser, someone else is the blamer and maybe one doesn't even show up at all. 
 
And, to keep the peace (or so we think), we decide to go along with it and just deal with the situation,  internally.  Even if we only see them two or three times a year, if we are in a stressful family situation, we most likely have figured out the "dealing with it" in reality, creates more stress.  The holidays certainly don't feel like a vacation and they end up being more........read more